We decided to finally be done with this manipulation so Joe has begun to sleep in her room all night long. For the past 3 nights he's comforted her in the night and she's woken up to his face. Initially she was very hesitant in the morning, sort of scooting by him running out of the room. But today she let him pick her up and come to find mommy. And today when she sees me she just smiles and waves and actually went up to Joe with her arms up to be picked up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you believe it??? She seemed even happier to be letting Daddy in. And wow does she look different not soooo close to my face Hahaha. Don't get me wrong....we have a LONG way to go with her, but a very tiny step in the right direction needs to be celebrated!!!!
We have an appt with an attachment counselor next week recommended by our agency. Fingers crossed we keep seeing little positive steps.
Next up.....sleeping in the crib.
Goodbye China....
Before traveling to Korea to meet Jaelah we had spoken to our China agency about what our plans were with their adoption. At that time I kept dragging my feet and asked to get back to them sometime this summer to make a decision. Well after thinking long and hard we officially pulled our names off the waiting list as of yesterday. To think that we were logged in on 5/25/07, thinking we'd be waiting 18 months and now 4 years later not really being any closer is just heartbreaking. But I know that by the time a referral came in Jae-min and Jaelah would be in elementary school, and at that time I know I couldn't go through the type of adjustment we've been going through for the past 6 weeks. I know I'm just not strong enough to do it. And I also know that if I didn't make this decision now, I'd drag my feet and never make a decision. So it is with a HEAVY heart that our dream of a little girl from China joining our family is no more.
My heart breaks and I am sad that it turned out this way. I know for us this is the best decision, but I also know that there will always be a missing piece, a missing someone, in our family. It may seem weird to some that we mourn a loss, a loss of what could have been. But in our hearts Ava Rose was real.....and to let go of that dream is HARD. I know we just need time to adjust, to rethink our plan for our family. But in my heart their will always be a little something missing.....and a little piece of my heart will always be in China.
So.....farewell sweet China girl.............but in your dream you brought us to our two children from Korea.
