Red Balloon

One red balloon and one lucky ladybug. Happy one year LID.

One year celebrating China LID May 25,2008

One year ago today we were officially logged in to China. Everyone says Wow, a year already! and we feel that way too except when we live in it day to day. This year has been hopeful, difficult, happy, and sad in the adoption world. We have seen many families see, hold, and cry over becoming a family and we have cried along with them. We know someday it will be our turn.
We celebrated today by going out to Chinese dinner and then we let one red balloon go in our backyard hoping it will make it to China. It was a bittersweet celebration but we are pleased with how we honored Ava Rose today.
When we went to get the balloon we asked for one red balloon. The lady responded "Just one" Yup, just one. Then the cashier says "Just one" Yup just one Joe proceeded to say in the parking lot "Don't worry next year we'll be back for two, then three, then four........................ Fresh is what he is Haha Geez haven't they ever had someone requesting just one red balloon before?

Korea adoption 101

We are excited about this new adventure and guarded at the same time. We thought we'd share some basics:
When our homestudy is done we add it to our dossier and then its sent to Korea and we receive our HSTK (homestudy to korea date) This begins the official wait. Joe and I have agreed to not discuss timelines, timeframes, anticipated time with anyone because of what happened before. Please respect this and know that when we hear anything we'll let you know.
Referral: Our referral will come with pictures and medical info. Most babies are in foster homes and are referred young. After accepting referral, we receive updated info.
Legals: All legal proceedings are done before we get our child in both the US and korea. This makes the time between referral and holding that baby longer than China. It could be a few to several months, but at least we have a picture to stare at and plans to make!!!!
Baby Home: We have the option to travel or to have the baby escorted. Traveling is a short trip about 5-7 days but you get to meet and spend time with the foster family who has cared for your baby for months. Escorting would be into Boston or New York.

Babies are young at time of referral 6-12 months and are very healthy. Whether its a boy or girl will be a total surprise!!!!!!

Florida

May 17-24 we went to Florida. We committed to going there to relax and thats what we did. We didn't talk about adoption stuff at all and I felt great. We laid on the beach, by the pool, and went to a Polynesian show and to butterfly world. All in all we had a great time. Much needed and well deserved.
When we returned we picked up our book we ordered before we left and have begun our required readings. The book is a wealth of info and now I actually can't put it down. We're glad we were recommended to read it.
Our references were mailed, my physical form mailed(Joe's is scheduled for 6/24) and I think thats the only thing we need now. Then our social worker will probably do a homevisit and ask a million more questions. We're looking forward to a busy month.

1st homestudy meeting May 15th

Today was our first homestudy meeting with our new social worker to begin the process to adopt our little bundle from Korea. She had our original homestudy which she had highlighted but had many more questions. We were there for 3 hours with question after question being fired at us. It sort of felt alittle like an interegation..the room was hot, the questions came one after another, and our palms were sweating. It's definately more nervewracking than China and we felt so disconnected. Maybe because we've answered this before, maybe because we're tired of proving ourselves, or maybe because our hearts are so guarded from this past year its hard. We made it very clear we want this to move fast and we are committed to doing whatever to bring our baby home.
Because we started our China adoption pre Hague we didn't have to do any courses or number of hours before. Guess what, we have to do them now. We have assigned reading, online courses, and two seminars at the agency to go to. This is all great education and we're happy to learn about things like attachment and stuff but all this needs to be done before she can write the homestudy. We know each delay can push you further back in line. Oh well, we signed up for a seminar on 6/16 about medical records with a person from the adoption clinic in Boston. It will be nice to be able to put a face to a name of someone there due to the fact that we'll be visiting there hopefully twice. We also signed up for a required group 6/24 run by our social worker. Now we work on getting criminal checked again(they're going to wonder who in the world we are the FBI), letters of reference and on and on. Let the document gathering begin. It's alittle easier this time because we have alot of the documents already.

Goodbye Nana

This goodbye has recently come and gone and we realized we did not do it justice so we thought we'd write to say a goodbye to Joe's Nana. At the age of 94 she passed away quietly and without pain. She was excited about our adoption news and it saddens us that she will never know our children. Things like this make us so sad about the growing wait with China. Our Ava will never get to meet her great grandma, which saddens us tremendously. We asked Joe's mom for Nana's cross which we plan to hang in Ava's room as a special token of Nana.

Earthquakes in China

It has been reported that there was a severe earthquake in China today in the Sichuan province near Chengdu. We pray for all the people of China. The pictures are just too horrible to see. Our thoughts go out to all.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to our mom's!!! Someday I hope to celebrate this day but for now I celebrated to my children in my heart.
Last night we had a surprise 60th birthday for my mom. It was a little early so that it would be a surprise and it definately was. She was totally shocked. We finally got her!!

April 2008

This month has been a whirlwind of adoption activity. We have registered with WHFC to begin an adoption from Korea, we have received our updated homestudy from China, and have told our China agency of our plan. They were so supportive and kind. They are thrilled for us and our social worker can't wait to meet this new little baby. Are we really getting on this roller coaster again?? It looks like it. Sometimes in life you have to open your heart and mind and really listen to what they are saying. Ours are saying GO FOR IT. We now have a piece of our hearts in China and Korea. Yeah
We are officially paperchasing for Korea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe I'm typing this. We mailed our application packet in, have been assigned a social worker, and begun gathering documents again. Because our agency with China is China only we have to put together a new dossier and homestudy now. Which means more interviews, more questions, more proving to a total stranger that we will make good parents and that we want this more than anything in the world. More intimate questions, more physicals to prove we are healthy. ugh, ugh double ugh
Can you imagine We could have two beautiful babies at the end of this journey. I'm about ready to jump out of my skin. Joe gets this cute little grin. Bring it on.

April 12, 2008

We attended the info meeting with a guarded heart. Could this really all work out? Could this little baby from Korea be a big brother or sister to our Ava from China? We won't get our hopes up.

March comes to an end

This month has been full of mixed emotions and feelings. There have been many ups and downs and alot of soul searching on both mine and Joe's parts. We both came to one conclusion though: we definately want to remain with China and see it through to the end whatever that end is. So, with that in mind I began to do some investigating. We discussed our options and continued to feel led to adoption so we discussed DSS as well as that other country Korea, which we had originally discussed. DSS still doesn't feel right and after talking to many people we felt its not for us at this time again. We'll never rule anything out though. We continued to search Korea and found 3 agency that work with families in Mass. to place children from Korea. We emailed them and 2 said we'd have to leave China once our baby was home from Korea. We don't want to do this so we found an agency Wide Horizons For Children who just introduced a concurrent adoption option, You'd be able to complete both adoptions as long as they have at least one year between. Yeah this looks promising. They have an info meeting on 4/12. We signed up. Fingers crossed.

Worst week continues

We each walked away from the dumb idea with a pit in our stomaches. As many of you know when I get nervous, anxious, stressed my stomache acts up and this week was no different. I had had enough by Friday, so I stayed home from work. Seeing your reality in black and white shines a whole new perspective on things.
This Sunday was Easter. We had to go along like nothing was wrong when deep down I was so depressed. My parents gave us a baby book for adoptive families. Very sweet

The worst week of our lives

This week has been horrible, horrible, horrible. The wait has been getting hard but I think I've been living in dreamland (what else is new) for awhile now and Joe has seen the writing on the wall more clearly for a few months. This week I have been knocked out of my dreamworld into reality and it doesn't look good.

It all began this weekend when I came up with the great idea...Why don't we get beads and put them in a jar to represent how many days untill we get our referral. We can take as many out each month as are referred and then it can feel like we are doing something. Eventually we would see progress. Well, Joe was trying to spare my feelings and initially said no (I think he knew what would happen and was trying to protect me). But, after much discussions we sat down and crunched numbers. This is what we came up with: we have about 17 months from what they're referring now till us 5/07 so that averages about 480 days to go. If they were to refer say 5 days at a time (which sometimes they don't) it would take 96 months or 8 more years to see a referral. WHAT!!!!! We did it plenty more ways and kept getting no less than 5 more years until a referral. So no, we don't want to put 480 beads in a jar and take out 3,4,5,6 beads each month for 3,4,5,6,7,8 more years. Dumb, dumb, dumb idea.

This dumb idea was the beginning of it all though. Joe, who thinks with his head, has been saying for a few weeks now that we can't sit around and do this with this uncertainty for xxx more years. Me, on the other hand, think with my heart and know that we can't walk away from this. Our daughter grows in our hearts and I have faith that someday we will be together. It's so hard to explain to those who aren't waiting. So, what do we do???

March 15, 2008

I came across a children's book with a ladybug character entitled Home Sweet Home. The ladybug is looking for her home among many different insects until finally she finds just where she was meant to be. Fitting, I thought!! Little things like this get us through the days.

March Updates

Our agency has sent along their updates and it appears that the cutoff is January 4, 2206. To look at the bright side of things at least their finally referring to families with a 2006 LID. Yet, that's still 17 months worth to get through before us, and with only referring a few days a month that 17 months turns into.....well, you do the math.

Original Homestudy to be Updated

At the beginning of March we realized that our homestudy will expire on April 11 and it needs to be updated before this date. Being the organized person that I am I also looked at all the other expiration dates for our fingerprints and immigration and contacted our agency to see what to do about this. We contacted our social worker to tell her of our upcoming expirations also. Due to the fact that nothing has changed in the last year we think she won't need to visit again but rather just write a new report stating the same things.....we are good people, we can't wait for our baby, send her our way!!!.... well, it will go something like that!
These updates were to be expected because remember, we originally thought it would take 18months to see our baby. As you have read, that will not be happening now. We may have to do many more updates on all our paperwork in the coming years. Our agency contacted us to tell us to renew our fingerprints and immigration in the fall. So, we'll go in early fall for the fun task of re-fingerprinting. At least it keeps this adoption real for us.

Happy Valentine's Day

We had a fun weekend celebrating this day of love. We went to a hotel and to watch the tour of Dancing With The Stars. Yes, I know that Joe must love me very much to take me to this show. Believe us he has been getting made fun of for weeks. But come on, all the girls in cute little numbers wasn't half bad either. Seriously, he's great and I know I'm very lucky. I count my lucky stars everyday.
I look so forward to watching Joe fall in love with his daughter that it makes my heart skip a beat. If he treats her half as well as he treats me, she's one lucky girl!!!!

Knitting, Knitting, and more Knitting

We continue to knit our little hearts out to finish those mittens. We have begun to talk to the others at the class and it was brought up about my adoption(from the proud expectant grandma) and everyone was so interested. They asked alot of questions and then of course the teacher showed me many patterns for sweaters, hats, booties, and anything baby cute. I hope to accomplish some stuff during the wait.

February 2008

Updates arrived. The cutoff is now 12/27/05, 8 days. Well thats better than before and inching our way along. Our agency didn't have any referrals this time which is always heartbreaking.

Superbowl Sunday

This year is an exciting one with our team playing against New York. We enter this game with an undefeated season. Go Pats.
We went to Joe's sisters house for a little party. It was a closer game than we thought and uhoh we kept missing balls and getting knocked over, and WE LOST. Well, that was unexpected.
Tonight at the party our niece M who is so excited about her baby cousin joining the family colored us a football in the color red. She told me that she used this color because thats the color of China and thats where my baby is. Its heartwarming how a 5 year old can open her heart and accept something with such joy and no questions. We should all take lessons from the children in our lives, they definately could teach us alot.

Snow storms

Snow, snow, and more snow is falling in China. Record amounts of snowfall are falling and there are reports of establishments with no heat, water, electricity, and food. People are stranded and its definately a dangerous situation. We hope all the children waiting for their forever families are safe and warm. We pray that their nannies and caregivers are safe and can make it safely to care for these children. We pray for all the people of China. This is where our hearts are.
I have always loved snow. I know when there's so much of it it can be dangerous. But, just imagine how beautiful China must look under a blanket of freshly fallen snow!!!

A new hobby

Well, with this long wait I have decided to take up a new hobby that I've always wanted to try. My mom and I have begun a knitting class once a week. Our first project is a pair of mittens. Joe was making fun of me for taking the class saying that I would be in a room full of older folks and it's actually just the opposite. The others are slightly older than me and we've been having fun. I guess all of the older folks already know how to knit!!! Joe won't be making fun when he has nice sweaters and hats to wear (when hes 90 the way I'm knitting right now)haha.
My mom, who also crochets, has decided to conduct a waiting project of her own. She has decided to knit hats for the children of the orphanages. This is so kind and will definately keep her busy. I plan to tackle a security blanket pattern with really nice yarn when this class is over. Wish me luck.

January 2008

Our monthly update arrived and it's still looking pretty bleak. Only 5 days were matched this month and they have only matched children with families who were logged in until 12/19/05. Yeah, thats right!! I said 2005. Ugh. I have been referring to this slow progress as moving at a snails pace, but now I think the snail has decided to go on vacation and rest. Maybe a little scoot from me will get it moving again. If I could find it believe me I would give it the biggest scoot and move it along its way. Congrats to all those seeing their babies faces for the first time. We dream of that moment and hope someday it will come.

Happy New Year

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!!!!! 2008 rang in with a fanfare at Joe's sisters house. There were horns to blow and crowns to wear. Heartbreak is what we felt initially as the new year came. Originally this would be the year for us but now we know that won't be happening. We then thought of how thankful we are for all of our family and friends, their health as well as our own. Cheers to 2008 and hoping someday all of our dreams come true!!!

Merry Christmas

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!! We had a fun Christmas this year but now for the first Christmas something just seemed to be missing. It was alittle bittersweet this year. We now have this image of our child in our minds, but each month meeting this little one keeps getting further and further away. It was alittle hard to be happy and silly knowing what is happening with the wait. We tried to push through. My grandma had made us a stocking which we laid by our fireplace this year. We won't hang it until our baby comes home. She did recieve some gifts-a rolling ladybug suitcase, a teddy bear, and a hand made sweater. These gifts made what we're going through more real and it felt good. We ended the day in better spirits than when we began. At church the lights were turned off as the choir sang Silent Night. It was so peaceful and beautiful. As Joe and I sat there holding hands by candlelight, I thought that tonight Santa will fly over China and USA, maybe he can give me a ride? For now I'll stick with my hopes and dreams

December 2007

December 5th celebrated our 9 year wedding anniversary!!!! Happy Anniversary!!! We still remember that day with such joy-we just had the best time. To celebrate this year we went to a B&B in NH (one we've stayed at before). The weather was cold and snowy and just too romantic. We took a sled ride and did other things which were fun. Our inn was vacant (except for us) on our last night so we had the place to ourselves. We had a great time and we're hoping to be snowed in, but no such luck. The storm came alittle late so we were able to make it out ok. Boooo. We wanted to stay another night!!!
More adoption updates. 8 families saw their child's face this month from our agency. Thats better than last month, but still not moving at lightning speed.
It was 1 year ago that my grandpa passed away. We take his patience and try to hang onto it during this difficult wait. If we could have half of the patience he had, then we'll be ok.

November 2007

This month our monthly update from our agency was alittle different. Due to the slowdown and the snails pace that referrals are coming in, our agency did not receive any referrals this month for the first time!! This is a little discouraging. So, instead of the usual newsletter our director emailed us all a personal letter explaining her visit to China and what info she found. Well, the letter was again specualtions as to the slowdown and trying to encourage all of us to remain strong and positive. I know that my agency is committed to bringing families together and I know their hearts are breaking along with ours. I know they're frustrated too and truly believe they are very good people who care deeply. Thats what makes this even more difficult. If we didn't truly believe this is meant to be it would be easy to walk away but we just can't. We'll continue to hold out hope and keep our hearts and minds open.
This month celebrated a Happy Thanksgiving!!! We had a quiet lunch with my grandma and then went to Joe's sisters later and to my parents also. At the lunch table there was one seat empty. Behind the chair on our sliding doors was perched one ladybug. I guess our baby was here after all. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!!

November 3, 2007

We attended the culture class (or as Joe refers to it Culture Club) today. It was very interesting. We learned alot about China, the history, and geography. We learned how to say some phrases in chinese hello, please give me my baby. We hope to use that one some day. The whole day was so interesting and I truly felt so close to her all day. I think it's what we needed after the hard time we've been having lately. It definately lifted our spirits. Every time I go to our agency I get this sense of calm over me and peacefulness. Adoption is definately the path we're supposed to take.
The director of our agency arrived with the retired director of the CCAA who she has been hosting. She had just returned from a trip to China and thought he could share some insight into the slowdown. This man was very nice and I kind of felt bad for him because he was standing in a room full of families who are beginning to lose hope. He shared what he could about the wait and other things and tried to assure us that if you are willing to wait there is a baby waiting at the end. All answers were pretty vague. With no concrete answer for the slowdown, all the vague reasons don't really matter to us. What matters is that we want our baby NOW. One mom stood up and thanked him. She has already adopted a little girl from China (now going back for 2) and most likely this was the man who made it happen on the China side. That was an emotional moment for everyone!!
While there, we also met some email friends who share the same LID as us. It was nice to put a face to a name. In a perfect world these are the people we would travel with but with the increasing wait so many things could change so we just don't know. It was nice to meet them just the same.
On our way home we stopped for dinner and at the table next to us were parents with two little Asian girls. A perfect ending to a great day!!!
Oh and if you were wondering. Joe had the chicken salad and he said it was DELICIOUS. He thinks it had grapes inside. Weird yet tasty.

October 2007

Our annual Halloween party was a hit!!!! It's always so much fun. This year's theme was Disney Characters. We had some interesting costumes. Joe and I of course came as something together. We were slinky dog from Toy Story. I was the front and Joe was the back and then we connected ourselves. We are pretty clever for always finishing the costume the night before. Next year's theme was chosen at random. Stars Wars. Ohh thats a tuff one. Start thinking everyone. May the force be with you.

October 2007

We received some registration forms to fill out regarding the upcoming culture class to be held at CAWLI. The biggest dilemna Joe found was did he want to sign up for chicken salad or roast beef for lunch? We spent many minutes contemplating this and he decided on chicken salad. Hope it's good!!!
This month we put 2 ladybug stickers on Martin's tags as a little reminder of the wait. Joe wouldn't let me buy him a ladybug collar(because he's a boy is what he said) so we compromised and decided on the stickers. I got 2 packages because I have a feeling we'll be replacing them often with this long wait. CAWLI updated us as the wait now being 23 months. This one hit me like a ton of bricks. This has been a very hard month because I think the reality of the situation is starting to set in. The one thing that is keeping us sane is that we truly believe we have a daughter born halfway around the world that we are meant to bring home. We are holding onto the shred of belief for all its worth. We don't know why this has to be so hard and are beginning to feel pretty discouraged. We love talking about our journey with everyone but the questions are beginning to get mord difficult to answer. Right now our hearts say hang in there it will all work out in the end.
This month I left work and burst into tears in the parking lot. I was feeling pretty beaten down about it all. Then I looked at my purse and saw 1 little ladybug. A sign?? I'll take it. It's all I got.

September 2007

We had gone camping this month close to home but it was alot of fun. While there ladybugs found me and landed on my shirt. It's been funny lately. Ladybugs have been appearing in the strangest places especially when I've been feeling down. Our monthly update continues to increase the wait time which is sooooooo difficult. We have begun to wonder what's going on? This month I also discovered a website called China Adopt Talk and its a wealth of info. Much of the info is about the increasing wait and there are many other families who are feeling discouraged. Well, Joe wasn't home yet and I decided to go on the website and read some of the posts which was a big mistake. By the time Joe came home I was crying and sobbing at the computer. They are predicting the wait to continue to increase. At this time we talked and want to remain positive so we will continue on as before.
We actually emailed our agency about an upcoming culture class they hold every year. They responded and think the class will be held in Nov. Well, that's something to do during the wait.

September 2007

The summer is winding down and fall may be fast approaching. It's always around this time and in June when I become sad to have left the classroom and found this new job. September and June were always fun months when teaching and sometimes I kinda miss. Oh well, if I had never found my current job, I would never have met all those families who have adopted. I truly believe that is why I am working where I am and sometimes things work out in mysterious ways! As many of you know that our plan once our child comes home is for me to stop working for awhile and to just be a mom. There are many options with my current job of cutting back and things but I have dreamt of being of mom for so long and want to enjoy every minute for awhile. Joe's excited for me to stay home but is a little jealous that I'll do fun stuff without him (if you know us then you know we don't do many things separately) and are so excited to do things as a threesome. I'm sure we'll be dragging him on our little adventures too.

August 2007

The summer has been going by quickly as usual. We are still flying pretty high from our adoption news and everyone is still pretty eager to talk about it. The wait appears to continue to increase and we're not really sure what exactly that means. Last month they had referred children to families logged in at the beginning of Nov.2005. Lately they have only been referring babies by a few days at a time rather than by a full week or month as they had done previous. Our agency is pretty quiet except for the monthly updates. They are really good about getting back to you if you call but Joe and I continue to hold out hope that things will change and level off, and eventually speed back up. We hope it's not false hope and comes back to bite us in the end. For right now we still feel like this is where we are supposed to be, so we will wait and see.

July 2007

Happy 4th of July!!! We had a small cookout with family to celebrate the day. Poor little Martin, he's so afraid of fireworks that this holiday makes him so nervous.
After the 4th we went up to a bed and breakfast in Kennybunkport Maine for a few days. It was so relaxing and fun. We spent alot of time on the porch, rocking and reading. We walked around to different stores and enjoyed being together.
We received another email from CAWLI with an update that the wait has increased to 20 months. It looks like we won't be seeing our sweet baby by Christmas after all. We have also connected with some other waiting families through email. They all seem nice and I'm excited to connect with more families going through this process. It's always nice to talk to people who know what your going through.
Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me!!! I hope it won't be too many more birthday celebrations without the pitter patter of little feet.

June 2007

This month has begun and we're still flying high from all of the excitement from the previous months. Since we are now officially logged in we will be receiving monthly newsletters from our agency updating us on any progress/changes. This update stated that the wait has grown now to 19 months. We hope this isn't the trend but will stay positive nonetheless.
This month we have started receiving little gifts to celebrate our decision to adopt and our future baby. We bought a tote which we will keep these precious gifts in until we finally have our baby. Joe has one rule that he has instructed everyone to follow ABSOLUTELY NO CLOTHES. That means my mom and I will have to pass by all those cute dresses and bows until referral time. Oh well, we can still window shop!
One gift Joe bought me was the softest stuffed elephant. We thought this would be appropriate as elephants are pregnant for around the same time we anticipate to be "paper pregnant" for. I can just picture a sweet baby dragging that elephant through the mud. Too cute!!
This month also brought a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my sweet Joe. He had a great day.