So.....

I'm imagining by now that all of you have read the previous post (hopefully many times).  I am also hoping that now that my heart has been laid out there for all the world to see, I hope beyond measure that you all have read up on trauma, attachment disorders, and RAD.  I hope you have read that info and really soaked it all in.  I hope that you take that info with you as you approach our family as well as Jaelah.  I guess there are really no more excuses for any ignorance about this issue.  Everyone should be on the same page because now we all have the same information.  And I do want to stress how very difficult it was for me to put that for all to see.  My friend called it brave.....I just called it survival!!!!!

Mental health issues have always been taboo in society.  They have always been whispered about, looked down on, and pushed under rugs.  That's just how society as a whole sees mental health issues.  But when a little child is the one suffering from these types of setbacks, we MUST put them out there, talk about them, and support each other.  We must support the family caring for them.

As great as it is for us to encourage others, its really up to you all to take the reigns and learn.  And my heart is HOPING that you are.  I did want to stress that a child with this will have difficulty deeply attaching with anyone and in regards to the female caregivers in her life she will fight them the most.  The key word there is CAREGIVER.  So if she sees other females maybe once a week and they are not doing any caregiving  roles then she will not "act out" with them.  Its that more intimate relationship that she has difficulty with.  Let's all be mindful of that.

Many asked what they can do.  We ask that you treat Jaelah as you would any other child.  DO NOT walk on egg shells around her because you are afraid she will tantrum.  She MUST have the same rules, expectations, and consequences from you that any other child would have.  In fact when others go above and beyond to make her happy it actually damages all the hard work we do at home.....and she makes us "pay".  If others give her an inch she takes it and runs......and then gets angry that we are not doing the same.  Obviously treating her with love and respect, but doting on her and "bending" your rules is damaging to us as a whole.   And we almost have to start from scratch again.....which is not a fun place to be!!!!

My heart gets this little feeling that there are still many who don't "believe".  For any doubters I'll share this......On Friday I am packing up the car with Jaelah and a bag full of pictures from our trip to Korea.  I will drive over an hour to our attachment therapists office for a 2 hr apt.  In this apt we are going to try to recreate the trauma that Jaelah experienced in the meeting and hand off on the fate filled day in Korea.  We are going to try to "push" a little girl into coming to terms with leaving her life in Korea and joining our family.  I have put together a book telling the story of the transition with photos and we will use puppets/dolls as well.  It is thought that Jaelah will never fully bond with us until she comes to grips with the trauma, grieves it, and then opens her heart.
Honestly I am sick to my stomache with nerves over this meeting.  So if you have any shred of doubt, think about myself and this little girl on this day.....and wonder....would I really be doing this if these "issues" weren't present???  What will this meeting and the subsequent days be like for Jaelah and our family???

I have taken one thing away from these struggles.....that is you never truly know of someone's struggles until you walk one step in their shoes.  Please always be mindful of that dear friends.......