Happy 3rd Family Day!!!

3 years ago today my arms would be empty no more. They would always be filled with this little bundle.....We visited the Holt offices for the last time and were able to take this precious little boy with us, as our son!!!!
I remember that first night like it was yesterday. How he was so happy at first and we were thinking "wow, this is going so well".....until the novelty for him wore off and then all heck broke loose!!!! He cried and sobbed. He woke every 20 minutes all night long as I sat with him on my chest and soothed him with each cry. I remember watching American Idol over and over again (the same episode) as that was the only English speaking channel we got. I remember Joe sleeping in the bed and waking every 20 minutes too just looking at us. I remember Jae-min's smell, his breath, his look of shock. I remember giving him blankie because it smelled like his home in Korea and how it soothed him. And today that is still his blankie.

I remember every second of that night because that's when I became a mother. A mother to this little boy.......
Who is comfortable in his own skin to throw on some fairy wings and a magic wand (haha) and grant me all my wishes....
Little does he know that my wishes came true 3 years ago when I became a mother....HIS mother.

Happy Family Day little man. We love you more today than yesterday, if that is even possible.

And The Door Opened.....

Exactly 3 years ago today a door opened in a faraway land and behind it was a beautiful baby boy....our son.

I will never forget how nervous we were, yet when we layed eyes on this perfect little boy all our nerves melted away....he was perfect!!!!
We had a wonderful meeting with the social worker, Jae-min, and his Omma. We didn't want it to end. Jae-min was a pure joy from the first moment we saw him and pretty much wrapped us around his little finger immediately.
This room was full of such love, such tenderness.....a woman was so kind telling us about our son...and repeating to Jae-min "Omma, Appa" pointing to Joe and I. She had dressed him in a sweater which said "Happy" on it and she described him as "the easiest baby she ever had"
I remember the smells, the sounds, and the feelings of that day so vividly today. Its hard to believe its been 3 years since we first held him, kissed him, and saw that beautiful smile. It would be several days until we could actually take him forever.....but that day will always be etched in my memory.

As we left the Holt offices I remember feeling like we were walking on air, floating. We knew that all our work, the years and heartache led us to the perfect child.

I've been thinking alot about Korea this week....remembering Jae-min's trip and really can't believe all that has changed in just 3 short years. If I had one wish in life it would be to do that trip over again....and I wouldn't change a thing. It was perfect in every way. Missing Korea today and thanking all those that opened that door for us....the door that led us to our little man.

This Boy......

This boy is a miracle by every sense of the word....he was born way too early, and way too small, yet has thrived and grown and blossomed.

This boy is a fighter.....from the moment he entered the world till now he has shown such persistence to excel in all he does.

This boy is a charmer.....from his doctors in Korea to his Omma to his forever family this boy has charmed the pants off of everyone he knows.

This boy is a son, a brother, a grandson, a great grandson, a nephew, a godson, and a friend.

This boy made me a mother, made us a family.

This boy was patient as we fumbled through it all (and still do), in hopes that we're getting it right by him......

Yesterday December 2nd marked 3 years since I saw this face....... I will NEVER forget those words on the other end of the phone "I have great news for you. You have a son!!!!" I will never forget sitting at my computer and opening an email and seeing that photo.....that adorable little mouth, and those sweet eyes, and that angelic expression on that sweet face....the face of my SON. It was instantaneous.....in that moment, in that first glimpse I knew I was looking at the boy who was always destined to be mine. It was indescribable the connection I felt. And now 3 years later as I look at that photo I am transferred back to that chilly day and know with all of my being that in one little photo, with one little glimpse I became a mother. It would be several months before I held my baby boy for the first time, but on that day December 2nd I was a mother who was looking at her son!!!
And just look at him now!!!! My love for him has grown immensely (if that's even possible) and each time I look at him I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am his mother. He may have been born half a world away, he may have had to wait until I could come for him, but it was all so so worth it. And now when he says to me "Mamma will you hold my hand?" when we're just chilling out watching tv my heart skips a beat......to know and see how love can travel halfway around the world astounds me. And to know and see how one little photo, how one little phone call could bring so much joy........makes me believe in MIRACLES....because that's what this boy truly is!!!!

Sesame Street Live!!!!!

On Saturday we took Jae-min to see Elmo's Green Thumb in the city. It was his first stage performance and he did well.....he loved seeing Elmo and all of his friends.He sat in his seat like a "big boy" until he heard the woman over the speaker talk about how it was going to get dark in the show.....um yeah, we have a little fear of that dark...so he spent the entire show on mommy's lap!!!
The show was full of dancing, singing, and laughter. Jae-min wanted to "go up on stage and see Grover", but we convinced him that we were the audience and Grover needed us to stay in our seats Haha

And if you look at the picture below....there were even some ladybugs in the show.....Yun-jeong was with us in spirit!!!!
We had a great time. We had been wanting to do something like this before traveling to Korea...something just for Jae-min!!!! And it was a fun family day!!!!

Happy 2nd Family Day!!!!

Two years ago today we were handed a little 9 month old baby, in a land far away. We were complete strangers, but looking back there was a connection in our hearts already. Two years ago today, in an office and on a curb, I became a mother and Joe became a dad.
Two years ago today Jae-min's Omma said goodbye with such grace and tenderness. She was peaceful and knew we were his family, as she said numerous times when we sat with her. Her tender touch, her smile, and her embrace said it all. My heart still breaks remembering looking out of the back window of the cab, watching her waving, and then beginning to cry.

Two years ago today we wandered the streets of Seoul with our son to get pictures for him of him in his homeland. We were overwhelmed, ecstatic, scared, and full of hope. Hope for what the future would hold. We were thrown head first into this parenting thing. We were up all night with a grieving baby, and then were required to fly halfway back around the world with all eyes watching.
Jae-min has grown into a confident, happy, well adjusted little boy in these past two years. He is the light of our lives and definately a mamma's boy through and through. The past two years have all not been easy. But nothing in life that's worth it ever is
Happy 2nd Family Day Jae-min Francis!!!!!!!!!!!! You made me a mommy and I hope and pray every day that I make you proud. Can't wait to see you become a big brother. Love you with all my heart baby boy!!!!!!!!!!!

Best Buds...

From the moment we entered our home with Jae-min, he and Martin have been best buds...thick as thieves you could say. Marty loves stealing his snacks and kisses, while Jae-min loves throwing him toys and laying with his head on his belly. These two are inseparable and have even begun to get into a little mischief together lately. Each morning Martin joins me in getting Jae-min out of the crib, and if Marty decides to sleep in Jae-min always asks "where's Marsteroni?" to which Martin comes bounding into the room!!!A dog is a boy's best friend....which makes the news we received this past week extra tough. Marty went for a follow up appt for his heart issues and the news was not good. We were shocked to hear that his lungs were again filling with fluid, his heart was huge, and he was on the verge of another heart failure. We thought he was doing well and the doctor was even shocked. They gave us another new med to help with the fluid, but at that visit things became clear to me.....Marty is not getting any better.........the meds are only giving him quality of life, however much he has left. He will continue to get worse until we say enough is enough and then the end will come. We know that now is not that time, he's still the same old Marty on the outside, but his insides are failing. And I have a bad feeling that they're failing fast.
So, how do you explain to a 2.5 year old that their best bud is really really sick when you don't understand it yourself?

And yes, those are Jae-min's jammies on Marty............Can you see now why Marty is such a great buddy to have!!!!!

A Very Merry Christmas!!!!

The last few days have been filled with lots of Christmas cheer. Jae-min has had a wonderful time spending time with family and receiving some great gifts. Christmas morning did not disappoint with lots of giggles, squels, and laughter.
Here is our little man on Christmas morning. Joe and I went into his room together...Joe with the video camera, and me with the regular camera. Jae-min's response was "oh 2 cameras!!!" yes Jae-min its the paparazzi. We told him that Hoho had come and he began jumping in his crib.Jae-min and Martin waited in the room until we yelled for them. And then they came arunnin down that hall like lightning. And yes, as old as Marty is and as sick as they claim him to be he made it down that hallway before the little boy and was eager to see what Santa had left for him.

Oh look, a package of muffins.

And some safety scissors too!!!!!!!!!! Wow, Hoho really does listen. And if you look really hard you can see the choo choo set up behind Jae-min. Yup, Hoho got the message.

After all the gifts were opened Jae-min found this gift the best. A new Mickey Mouse cup. Who knew?????

We had a wonderful Christmas and thank all our family for all the beautiful gifts and for celebrating this special day with us. As this is our 2nd Christmas to share with a child, it contained all the magic and splendor we had hoped for. There is nothing better than to watch the face of a child, your child, on Christmas morning.
Merry Christmas sweet Jae-min. You still remain Mommy's favorite gift!!!!!!!!!!!!